Thursday, December 13, 2007

Mom's Letter to Santa

I got this email from a good friend, and thought I'd share it with all you Moms :-)

Dear Santa,
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" or "You're So Smart, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that haven't been stained with chocolate milk or permanent marker.I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always,

...P.S. One more can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children healthy, safe and of course, young enough to always believe in Santa.


Phoebe said...

Thank you so much for sharing this letter. As some who has kids now in their 30's it made me smile and brought a tear to my eye. Memories flooded back and I thought how much I love to be living those days again. I remember times in total frustration thinking "I can't wait till they grow up" (I'm sure most parents do) but now I wish I'd played more, laughed more, just done everything better than I did.
Thank you for giving me the gift of traveling back to all the bitter/sweet times of being a Mom.

Donna S said...

Oh my... this is just what the doctor ordered for me. After being woken up countless times by my little ones last night I was a tad grumpy this morning... instead of putting them in front of the TV and just surviving I read them the Polar Express and remembered I need to listen for jingle bells. Love your letter to Santa. Be sure to scrap it - it is a keeper!